Higher, Lower - Faster, Slower

In our book, "Putting Away the Paddle: Nurturing Positive Learning Environments" we teach parents and teachers about the emotional escalation dance. It is very damaging and once in the cycle very difficult to get out of. This de-escalation strategy is taken from the book and may offer help as the year progresses.

Higher/Lower ~ Faster/Slower

“Oh sure, that sounds great in a perfect world, but I’ve got explosive students in my world!” What do you do when confronted with an out-of-control student? What do you do when confronted with a student who is demanding an emotional escalation dance? I can tell you that the Dixie Chick’s tune, “Sometimes Ya Gotta Dance” does not apply in this situation! Here’s what you should not do… Do Not Engage (DNE).

When confronted with any person demanding an emotional dance the first thing to do is consciously control your emotional physiology. Focus on your head, facial, shoulder, arms, hands, and stomach muscles - force them to relax. Focus on your breathing and heart rate and force yourself to slow down. This is a physiological exercise. Your prefrontal lobe is now speaking to your amygdala – “Hey now, relax there ol’ buddy, we’ve got this under control, pullback that adrenalin and cortisol, no need to fight or flight.”

Next, focus on reflecting back to the student the exact opposite emotion being hurled your way. The higher the pitch of the student’s voice – the lower your reflective pitch. The faster the students flow of words – the slower your reflective response.

Finally, choose your words very carefully…

1. Acknowledge the student’s feelings: “I understand, you must be upset…”
2. Remain open to communication: “I would love to talk to you…”
3. Set the parameters: “let’s talk about this when you are calm…”
4. Reissue the compliance command: “For now, you need to sit down and begin your work.”
5. Disconnect by turning away: This must be a physical disconnection. Remove all attention from the student. Refuse to engage in the emotional escalation dance. If you are fearful of a physical attack, of course do not turn away but instead walk away while keeping the student in view and get help.

I have used this strategy countless times. It has never failed me whether it is with an angry elementary student, explosive high schooler, or an angry parent in the middle of a high poverty inner-city neighborhood. The key is in the physiological control over the amygdale! Talk to her… she’ll listen!

For more information on the emotional escalation dance and how to "choose a different tune" read our book, Putting Away the Paddle: Nurturing Positive Learning Environments.